


Early Late

by morkzone



Category: GOT7
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-09 13:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15268788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morkzone/pseuds/morkzone
Summary: Jaebum is supposed to write a bubbly song for their next comeback. Unfortunately, he's too heartbroken to even start.





	1. Chapter 1

Jaebum hears the pitter patter of the rain outside, bleeding from the clouds, washing and blanketing over the roof, the walls and asphalt, cleansing away the dirt and heat of summer. It’s been weeks since he has last seen the sun, long before he holed himself inside his studio, in the hopes that he’ll finally be able to write songs. The silence of the place eats at him and he doesn’t know if it’s right for him to even look for the usual noise around when it was him who shut them out.

He cut them all; the usual sound of Jinyoung’s passive aggressiveness towards Yugyeom and Bambam’s teasing, tuned out Jackson’s smothering towards Youngjae while the latter laughs loudly at his hyung’s antics. It’s always a chaotic day for all of them and the silence is a luxury Jaebum cannot always have because he has to look after them, herd them out of trouble.

Being a leader is a huge responsibility that Jaebum battled and tried to understand for years. It’s exhausting, it’s burdening and sometimes, he has to directly receive the heat just so his members wouldn’t get hurt. He is the _hyung_ so he has to always be on his toes, provide shelter when one of his members are in need of support or show reason when they’re getting out of line.

There’s only one place he could actually let go of his responsibilities, enjoy the silence and be a _dongsaeng_ for once. But that silence he’s receiving now is not what he wanted. Jaebum wanted the comfortable silence with _him_ and not this avoidance—not this empty room full of echoes of heartbreak.

Mark has always been a quiet boy. He finds solace in silence and has always kept to himself ever since Jaebum met him during their training days. He is careful with his words, cautious of mistakes or misinterpretation, especially when he almost had an argument with every male trainee because they thought he’s being rude when clearly Mark just wanted to be heard amidst the ruckus of other people’s voices.

His quiet personality was seen as weakness by some people, thinking he doesn’t have enough substance to hold conversations because he’s still weak with the language or that he’s too much of a snob to even spare them a glance.

He’s a rich American boy trying out to be a Kpop Idol—that’s what they always thought, that’s how they initially perceived him.

But that is not true about Mark, because Jaebum saw how compassionate and funny he is. He can be unbelievably animated when he tells a joke or an interesting story. He’s steadfast with his beliefs and stands his ground when he knows he’s right. He’s hella stubborn that it sometimes infuriates Jaebum; like that one time he insisted on doing martial arts tricking again when they all knew his untold injury about his knee isn’t fully healed yet. Jaebum threatened and pleaded for him to change his mind, but Mark is dead set on it already.

“ _It’s for the fans, Jaebummie. They deserve a great performance considering we’re only given six minutes for our whole set,_ ” he said, eyes ablaze with excitement and body shaking with adrenaline. Jaebum wanted to say no, he wanted to hold him and take care of him because if something happened to Mark he doesn’t know what he’ll do—or if he could forgive himself. But Jaebum knew he’s already gone when Mark gave him his cutest pout, before kissing him full on the lips and running towards Jackson so they could rehearse their moves.

Jaebum saw how Mark is driven to give his all in entertaining people, making music and inspiring others with his life. True, he might grew up with a luxurious life because his family’s rich but being a trainee taught him to stand on his own two feet, weather the storm independently and lean on no one but himself. When he was a scouted back in L.A., Mark initially thought it’ll be easy; he’ll pack his bags, live by himself and try out to be a trainee.

But it wasn’t.

Everyday was an uphill battle; Mark knew nothing in singing, rapping or even dancing. People used to call him just a _pretty face_ because at that time, that’s what he only had. But Mark worked day and night, secretly extending his hours in training rooms, crying and sweating in agony until he could do the simple dances right, until his throat was scratched raw from trying to reach the notes, until he’s seen as a threat and not just a potential visual of the group who grew up in L.A., the boy with a glitter on his background. Like most trainees, Mark experienced staying out of hunger through cheap ramen and kimbap, too afraid to call his parents for help, knowing that if the other trainees saw him eating expensive foods he’ll be labeled as entitled and spoiled again.

Jaebum saw all of these, because like Mark, he also tried working harder than everyone else, too afraid that he won’t be able to do what he loves most—to sing and make music. He would always see Mark at practice rooms, face red from exhaustion but eyes ablaze with life, fueled by his drive to be _more_. Silently, he watched the Taiwanese-American improved on his Hangul, improved on his singing and dancing. And when he finally found out about Martial Arts Tricking, Mark tried it and became one of the best in their batch. Jaebum one night, couldn’t help himself and tried striking a small conversation with Mark, finding out that he was actually a cool guy and that he really is more than just a pretty face.

Throughout their friendship, Jaebum watched Mark find his footing and become the better version of himself. Until they were finally formed in a group together with five other guys, Jinyoung, Jackson, Yugyeom, Bambam and Youngjae.

At first, it was all things new, they are navigating with the new experience of being in a group. Despite Jinyoung and Jaebum’s experience debuting earlier than the other five guys, the whole experience scared the hell out of two boys just the same. Unlike when Jaebum was younger, the responsibility of taking lead for the whole group was bigger, the burden of being the role model for not only their fans but his members are expected of him and Jinyoung. Mistakes are no longer an option; he has to always be perfect. He has to be one step ahead of everyone, has to look unfazed; and so the nickname _chic and sexy_ was jokingly given to him by Jackson. Honestly, he doesn’t like it, because it entailed a person totally opposite of who he is in real life but he endured it for the sake of his career.

Only one person saw him crumbling, inner lip bloody from keeping himself from crying, palms decorated with moon crescent wounds from his nails, digging deep through his skin when the pressure’s too much and he still had to smile.

Mark was there throughout his untold battles, holding Jaebum’s head against his chest, soothing the slightly younger boy’s back with his hands. His kisses are enough to untangle the tension from his muscles, his hands are enough to divert his mind away from his worries, and his warm body that envelops him is always enough to keep him sane from this life they have chosen for themselves.

Their relationship had been easy from the start. They were co-trainees who became best friends and finally, after a few years of mutual pining, realized that they feel so much for each other, making them one solid unit immediately, getting the support from everyone, especially their brothers.

“ _Mark and I are… together_ …” Jaebum declared to the whole team one morning during their free day, holding Mark’s hand underneath the table, the warmth from his then boyfriend enough to endure what will be their member’s opinion for their relationship. Jinyoung’s eyes met his, hard and rueful. Jackson and Bambam made an exaggerated _Oh!_ while Youngjae and Yugyeom looked at each other knowingly like they have a secret only they knew.

It was a long awkward silence that ensued after he told them that Mark’s hand started to turn clammy on his palm, or it maybe his own, as beads of sweat started to gather around his hairline from the pressure of what his members think of them. The tension’s thick and Jaebum only want them to say something… _anything_.

“ _It’s not as if we didn’t know_ …” It was Yugyeom who broke the silence, his eyes flickering to each of them, cheeks turning red from a memory he seemed to remember. “I _mean, I saw you guys making out one time at the kitchen. I honestly wanted to bleach my eyes because it’s like seeing my parents getting it on_.”

“ _You what?_ ”

“ _Oh, god!_ ”

Mark and Jaebum said at the same time, embarrassment coloring their cheeks at their friend’s admission.

“ _Yeah, there was this one time you guys were also kissing at the sofa when I was visiting. I went out to ring the bell so it wouldn’t be awkward_ ,” Youngjae supplied, intensifying their blush further.

It was Jackson who defused the tension then, laughing so hard at their expressions that eventually pulled in Youngjae’s boisterous laugh, encouraging Bambam to drop a rather indecent joke a beat later, saying, “ _Hyungs, I hope you’re at least using protection, right?_ ”

To say he almost got his head snatched off was an understatement as Jaebum almost choked him to death, if it wasn’t for Mark’s intervention.

Their friends’ laughter eased the tension hanging in the midst of them, letting the two older boys to breathe a sigh of relief, until Park Jinyoung, the realist of the group, opened his mouth.

“ _Hyung, you know that this will be a hard situation, right? Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for the both of you but you and Mark hyung will have a hard time, I’m sure both of you are aware of it?_ ”

Jaebum’s expression soften at his friend’s obvious concern, eyes genuine and kind. He nodded his head in response, squeezing Mark’s hand tighter in silent reassurance and the other boy squeezed back.

“ _We know that, Jinyoungie. And we’ll be careful, I won’t let you guys get hurt because of us_ ,” Mark told the younger boy, face sincere as he glances at all of them.

“ _We’ll be extra careful. It’s just… I can’t to keep my feelings for Mark in public and keep you guys in dark at the same time. I believe you guys deserve to know this_.”

“ _Eyyy, chic and sexy Jaebum hyung is being a softie now, huh?_ ” Jackson teased, poking his leader’s arm before running away to avoid Jaebum’s hand that’s about to grab his neck.

Jinyoung finally smiled at him then, giving the support Jaebum was too prideful to admit he needed. Despite his tough exterior, Jaebum felt it was important to have his friend and partner’s blessing, needing his _yes_ because by then everyone will follow; because as much as he hates to admit it, Jinyoung is so much like a leader to all of them like Jaebum is.

Like what they promised their brothers, Jaebum and Mark kept their relationship in the down low, only showing any hint of their relationship at the dorm and when they were alone. Although, it was a bit easier for the two of them to have skinship on stage because fans fortunately dig that, the two older boys chose to conceal the truth with mysterious glances and stolen touches, still too afraid to let anyone see beyond what’s real.

However, easy wasn’t always the case for them.

Being in a group with your boyfriend didn’t mean you both got the time in the world for each other. A life of a KPop Idol involved the never ending rehearsals, the tours, the performances, the comebacks, the new songs they have to record, the shows and the continuous trainings, which made it harder to even just look at each other in the eye and ask how they were doing.

Sometimes, the two of them try to catch up before going to sleep; Jaebum spooning Mark in the latter’s queen sized bed they long decided to be their love nest as the former’s single bed was already owned by his three cats, the chic and sexy leader turning a total softie towards his _kids_. However exhaustion would be too much for the two boys that they wouldn’t be able to utter more than a _goodnight_ to each other, succumbing to a short rest they will need for their full packed schedules the next day.

It has been a month since Jaebum last embraced Mark between his arms, inhaling the latter’s sweet shampoo as he nuzzled his boyfriend’s neck. That night was the last before Mark asked for a break, before he adamantly told Jaebum that it is for the best.

_Is it really?_

Back in the present Jaebum scribbles on his notebook, words hovering at the tip of his pen, remaining to be untold as he’s still finding it hard to put his thoughts into paper; into music. His inspiration for his songs is now far away, spending his time in L.A., the sudden need to be with his family as his excuse but Jaebum knows the truth—Mark ran away, far from him.

There were times that Jaebum and Mark would argue, little things they don’t agree with that would cause discord between the two of them. Mark, as people didn’t usually know about him, can be a stubborn person, frustrating Jaebum when the other boy wouldn’t talk about his feelings and choosing to keep silent. Mark’s passive aggressive trait has become an uphill battle for the slightly younger boy as he doesn’t know how to appease Mark sometimes, or if he’s still even in the same page as Mark.

“ _I need a break_ ,” Jaebum remembered him saying a month ago, after they woke up together in their hotel room, body still free from their clothes and finally sated since they had time to make love with each other properly the previous night.

“ _Okay, let’s go again later_ ,” Jaebum mumbled on Mark’s skin, eyes closed and mouth kissing its way onto the older boy’s neck, inhaling his sweet scent while they bask in the silence and dimness of the room. He could see the breaking of dawn creeping in the tiny spaces between the blinds and he couldn’t help but smile. He loved these kind of moments, just him and Mark plastered closer together in silence, breathing in each other before the world whisk them apart again.  
It’s even harder to do things together lately as their Would Tour, Japan Tour and comeback preparations overlapped with each other, sucking their energies dry and leaving them connecting through quick make out sessions whenever they could. The two boys didn’t complain, but there were times that Jaebum wished he had more time with Mark, times like these, doing nothing and just being together.

“ _What’s wrong?_ ” he asked, when the slightly older boy pushed him away slightly, face surprisingly hard and serious than he normally used to see him having. Finally noticing that something’s amiss, Jaebum glanced at his boyfriend, realizing that Mark wasn’t completely acting like his usual self ever since they started the last leg of their tour, becoming more silent and a recluse, choosing to keep time by himself, picking sleep over food. Jaebum let the unusual behavior go, blaming everything on exhaustion, as they haven’t been able to take a rest for a while—it’s understandable, right? But now that the tour’s done and they have at least a month’s time of rest before the preparation for their comeback starts, Jaebum could clearly see that Mark’s weird behavior wasn’t coming just from exhaustion.

He’s been close friends with the older boy for at least four years and another four when they became together, and Mark was never this way when he’s exhausted.

“ _Jaebum, I need a break… from us_ ,” he finally mumbled, halting Jaebum’s thoughts and causing the slightly younger boy to pierce a hard gaze at Mark’s beautiful face.

“ _What?!_ ”

“ _I said I need a break from us. It’s for the better_ ,” Mark supplied, eyes averting Jaebum’s, while he tried to put his clothes back on his body.

Jaebum couldn’t help himself; he harshly pulled Mark back into the bed, pinning his lithe frame under him, tilting the other boy’s chin so their eyes could meet, needing to see what Mark was thinking through his brown orbs.

What he saw had him gasping.

Mark’s eyes were blank, unreadable— _lifeless_.

Jaebum’s heart sank at the pit of his stomach, leaving his chest hollow and empty.

 _Who is this?_ He couldn’t help but ask himself, not entirely sure if he wanted to know.

In the wee hours of the night, inside the presidential suite Jaebum secretly booked for the two of them, the slightly younger boy struggled to hold on to Mark the best he could; reminding the older boy of why they’re great for each other and what wonderful things could happen because they’re together.

Yet Mark still slipped away, only leaving him with the words that _It is for the best. Because it’s too tiring. It’s too hectic. It’s stifling to be together this way. I’m tired of us, Jaebummie._

Jaebum throws a random book across the room, frustration overcoming him again from the onslaught of memories he’s trying to forget. He thought writing music will give him the distraction he aches for, but all he has right now are empty notebook pages and overflowing memories of Mark.

Memories of Mark wearing _his_ clothes, _his_ shirts, hoodies and shoes. A habit Jaebum kind of acquired himself as well, when he started wearing Mark’s clothes too, keeping his boyfriend’s _Balenciaga_ cap as if it’s actually his, even bringing it in his own suitcase without asking Mark.

Jaebum remembered their times together, of Mark spontaneously cooking ramen in the kitchen, wearing one of the younger’s shirts, barefoot and adorable with his bed head. Jaebum would creep behind his boyfriend, giving the latter a back hug while they both wait for the noodles to cook.

 _“I love you_ ,” he would usually whisper on Mark’s skin, the latter’s warmth a comfort for his overworked mind. Mark would chuckle, would lean against his chest and kiss his cheek before whispering,

 _“I love you too, Jaebummie_.”

Jaebum misses acting like a baby and being justified to do so, acting all cutesy for Mark because he knows the older secretly liked it. He remembers when he would plaster himself all over the latter, pouting when Mark’s busy playing computer games instead of spending time with him.

“ _Mark_ ,” he would whine in his boyfriend’s ear, adding a bit of a husk in his voice that he’s sure will leave a tingle on the older boy’s spine. “ _Stop doing that and play with me instead_.”

“ _I’m almost done. Just wait a little bit, Jaebum_ ,” Mark would usually say, eyes trained on his screen, fingers working swiftly on his gamer’s mouse and keyboard.

Sulking from being ignored, Jaebum would literally cling onto his boyfriend’s rather smaller body, arms snaking around his torso while his longer legs would bracket the sides of Mark’s, looking like an actual koala bear on a tree. Jaebum would then rest his chin on Mark’s shoulder, satisfied to be near him even though he’s busy playing with his friends.

Jaebum misses Mark taking care of him because the older boy’s exceptionally good at that. Like that one time Jaebum caught a fever after being drenched from the rain; Mark fussed over him and scolded him for losing his umbrella. Well… Jaebum didn’t actually lose it. He put it over the cats getting rained down he saw on the street while on his way home, but he didn’t tell Mark that because he’s boyfriend would flip even more.

“ _Who the hell loses his umbrella in the middle of walking down the streets, Jaebummie?_ ” Mark asked sternly, rigorously drying Jaebum’s hair with a towel and wrapping the younger with another towel over his body. His teeth wouldn’t stop chattering from the cold, body feeling the chill of the fever creeping in. Despite all of this though, his chest felt warm, being wrapped by Mark’s concern was enough to make his heart soar. He just smiled apologetically at his boyfriend, conveying his appreciation in silence, whilst Mark making him feel loved in the quietness of the night as the older boy embraced him against his chest, tucking his head between the juncture of his shoulder and neck, staying that way all night until Jaebum’s fever break.

Jaebum lets out a huge sigh, pushing his chair away from the table abruptly, causing the pictures stuck on the wall to shake and one to fall, facedown on the floor. He sighs and picks up the photo, meeting Mark’s cute face gleaming in the midst of the stage lights and confetti raining down from above where they stood. He could remember vividly the exact moment the photo was taken; the sound of their precious fans screaming and Fly remix ringing in his ears. Jaebum was holding his point and shoot camera by then, immortalizing the memories on his film roll as he continuously _clicked, clicked, clicked_. He felt Mark’s presence then, long before he saw him walking towards his side, Mark’s beautiful face immediately filling up his viewfinder when he peeked into the lenses, making Jaebum involuntarily smile wider.

At that moment everything stopped for the two of them; Jaebum took about five photos of Mark in the shower of confetti and strobe lights shining his bright face; his boyfriend looking ethereal on stage with him, solidifying Jaebum’s belief that he really belongs _there_ —Mark’s made to be on the stage _beside him_.

After their Paris concert, they were given a day to go and tour around the city. Jaebum didn’t waste any time and immediately looked for a photo studio to have his films developed and scanned. He was too excited to see the result of his photos that Jinyoung literally had to drag him to the museum so his head could relax for a bit, which he did, Jaebum enjoyed the time he spent with his friend, roaming around the museum staring at artworks.

After a few hours of being drowned with the beauty of the past, Jaebum rummaged through heaps of developed photos of the present, his shots looking so magical with the over exposure and expired film he used; all of them turned out beautiful and he couldn’t be any happier.

The picture he took of Mark had instantly became his favorite, and it wasn’t just because it was of Mark’s but because the smile his boyfriend gave him then was so genuinely happy and joyful that just by simply looking at it, Jaebum’s heart would usually be charged up with energy.

However, the effect it has on him right now cannot be compared to how it was before.

All he feels right now is heartache— _abandonment_.

Jaebum’s vision blurs out, morphing Mark’s face on the photo as he lets his tears finally fall from his eyes, letting it go just like the pitter patter of rain being released from the sky. He’s trying to suppress this pain in his chest for so long, hiding it from his other members so no one would be too concerned, no one would panic or even demand an explanation he doesn’t know how he could supply.

How do you tell people why you’re no longer together with the one you love when you don’t know why he left to begin with? All he has are reasons why Mark thought it’s a good idea for them to break up, but none of them was an actual reason why.

He tried to ask but Mark was already closed off, the latter’s stubborn streak too strong that it eventually frustrated the heck out of Jaebum, and that frustration is now affecting his ability to write songs.

He’s supposed to write a happy one this time. JYP PD-nim telling him it’s a good idea to write a bubbly song for their next comeback since that’s the theme their management had come up with.

 _Fuck the theme_ , Jaebum thinks, staring at Mark’s other photos on his wall, clipped on strings of yarn he haphazardly nailed on his wall so all of his favorite photos are scattered there. His eyes roam at his ex-boyfriend’s face, the former’s chest twisting painfully in pain with how beautiful Mark is. His unadulterated joy translating so well in the photos Jaebum had taken of him. He’s always considered Mark breathtaking—unbelievably gorgeous, because he is. However, in moments wherein he’s laughing, enjoying himself while being with the whole group and looking at their fans with mist in his eyes—that’s Jaebum’s favorite.

 _That’s my home_.

Feeling a spark of drive to produce a song based on what he feels and not what’s expected of him, Jaebum starts to write what’s on his mind, his pen bleeding with his innermost thoughts and feelings.

 

 _Since I’ve been away from you_  
_It’s always raining for me_  
_Using the umbrella to avoid the rain is a waste of time_  
_You can’t be erased (Over you)_

 

He listens to the sound of the rain outside, still beating heavily like Jaebum’s heart grieving for his love that’s lost. He knows that he and Mark are over, no point in saving because the older boy doesn’t have anything to do with him anymore. Maybe Mark saw how inadequate Jaebum is; who is he compared to those people close to the older boy anyway? He’s not technically rich or pretty like Mark’s friends, he doesn’t have an estate in California or enough trust fund to travel the world and still live luxuriously. Jaebum haven’t had enough time to refine his demeanor, always acting rashly and on impulse.

Jaebum’s just… _this_.

A simple person willing to offer the rest of his life to make music—music which some people call crap or boring, as they often leave comments online how nonsensical Jaebum’s skills are.

 _He’s just being patronized by JYP PD-nim because he’s the leader of the group,_ he read the other day, tearing his heart into pieces, the pain like an acid eating his flesh excruciatingly slow.

 

 _I know we’re not together anymore_  
_But I keep loving you, even today_  
_I love you, I love you alone_  
_I know we’re not together anymore_  
_But I keep loving you, even today_  
_I love you, I love you alone_

 

“ _Hyung, it’s not true right? Mark-hyung and you are still together, right?_ ” Yugyeom asked him the other day, eyes frantic and worried as he stormed inside Jaebum’s room—his own room and not Mark’s that they used to share.

He gave out a soft sigh, motioning for the younger boy to close the door so his cats won’t run off outside and wreak havoc in the living room. He looked up at his face and shrugged his shoulders in defeat. So, their youngest had finally found out; Jaebum knew it’s going to be pretty obvious and that they’ll eventually catch up, but knowing and being are two different things.

It’s still hard telling Yugyeom about his and Mark’s break up because the latter’s the one who’s been rooting for them from the start and it’ll surely hurt him the most.

“ _As much as I want to tell you everything’s fine and well, I can’t anymore, Gyeom-ah. I want to be honest with you and right now, Mark and I are no longer together_.”

“ _You’ll get back together, won’t you? This is only for a few days and you just both need to cool off?_ ”

“ _I don’t know, Gyeom-ah,_ ” he told honestly, still avoiding his friend’s eyes.

“ _B-but you’re the hyung. You should know!_ ” the younger boy whines, looking like he’s on the verge of tears, acting his age for once.

Jaebum bitterly chuckled at Yugyeom’s childish behavior, petting Nora whilst swallowing the lump in his throat, not dwelling too much on the pain because there were still so many things to do, so many things to prioritize. With a heavy heart, he looked up at his friend, concealing the pain with a forced smile. “ _I am just your hyung, Yugyeom-ah. I am not a god. Now go back to practicing and let me sleep_.”

 

 _No one, not even friends can understand me_  
_The world is tinted with rain_  
_I don’t know why I can’t let you go, oh baby_  
_I don’t know why I can’t forget you_  
_Your voice and every one of your expressions that remain with me_  
_I can’t let them go easily_  
_It’s raining again_

 

Jaebum remembers the look Jinyoung gave him when he told him about Mark. His friend humming in acknowledgment as he pat Jaebum’s shoulder silently while they stewed in contemplation. Jinyoung is so much like Mark, choosing to stay in the quietness and solace of his own space. However, while Mark chooses video games to pass time, Jinyoung would be contented with a book in his hands, sharpening his already wise mind with deeper words and philosophical takes in life that he often uses when people come to him to ask for help.

“ _So what are your plans now?_ ” the younger boy asked Jaebum after a while, his _Murakami_ book long forgotten in his hand.

“ _I don’t have any_ ,” the latter murmured, eyes trained on the book cover, avoiding Jinyoung’s intense gaze. “ _I didn’t even know he’ll break up with me because quite frankly, I thought we’re doing fine. Apparently, we’re not, huh?_ ”

Jingyoung let out a sigh, concern evident in his eyes. “ _You will figure it out, hyung. Just give it time. Let him ran away from now. You know how Mark hyung is. He’s a bit eccentric like that but he’ll come around when he’s ready_.”

“ _How are you so sure?_ ” he asked the younger, sounding so lost and so sad. “ _How are you so sure he’ll go back… to me?_ ”

“ _Well, how sure are you that he won’t?_ ”

 

 _You (always) make me gloomy_  
_Think of you (always)_  
_It’s always the same thing anyway_  
_Even if I think it will be okay, the whole world gets dull_  
_What I see in front of me is cloudy all day, no (Over you)_  
_I cannot keep doing this_  
_I reset my heart over and over again_  
_I love you, I love you alone_  
_I’m complicated_  
_Nothing makes sense in this long rainy season_  
_The rain falling in my heart_  
_Will it stop?_

_If I stay like this my heart will become blunt—_


	2. Chapter 2

A frantic buzz from the doorbell made Jaebum stop from writing in his notebook, his favorite pen abruptly ending its rhythm along the pages as his eyes immediately glanced for the time. It’s a little past midnight and he remembered the _budae jjigae_ that he ordered, frowning when he realized that it was hours ago when it should have been delivered. He got too engrossed with the task at hand that he forgot about it.

 _My noodles better be firm or I will throw a fit_. He tells himself as he opens his door, mouth ready for a tirade towards the delivery guy.

But what welcomed him had his mouth closing immediately, clogging his throat and sucking all of the air in his lungs dry.

It was _Mark_ , drenched from head to toe, red hoodie sticking to his frame and lips looking a little blue from the cold. He looked like a mess, hair dripping wet and eyes red—probably from the rain or crying or both. On his hand is a plastic bag that has the name of that delivery place he usually orders his budae jjigae.

Jaebum blinks in a mixture of confusion and disbelief.

He dreamt of this scene so many times already—it may not be the exact scene in front of him, since they vary from Mark waking him up from his sleep or the older hugging him from behind and telling him he missed him. All of these scenes he conjured up in his head would eventually disappoint him in the end as he would usually wake up realizing Mark’s still gone and that he’s still alone.

He wonders if he’s hallucinating right now. _Mark cannot be here, right?_

“I…” the older boy murmurs, proving that he’s real, if the teeth chattering and shaking of voice are any indication. Mark looks like he’s hesitating, but found resolve in less than a minute, consequently raising the bowl of budae jjigae in his shaky hand. “I’m-I’m s-sorry. I thi-think I ruined yo-your noodles,” he says, stuttering badly. “I-I s-saw the d-deliv-very guy com-coming a w-while ago and th-thought it w-was a g-good idea to d-deliver it up he-here m-myself. B-but I s-somehow ke-kept ch-chickening out s-so—”

Jaebum cuts off the older boy by grabbing his arm, pulling him inside the studio so he could be warm and away from the bite of chills outside.

“Come in and change into something else,” he tells Mark, immediately letting go of his arm after conjuring up a lot of restraint, ignoring the intense need to pull the older towards his chest.

_I no longer have claim on him._

“I have an extra hoodie here that you can borrow. You’ll catch a cold if you continue to stand there with your wet clothes,” he whispers, still quite dazed that his ex-boyfriend’s here, looking exceptionally beautiful even in his disheveled state.

_How is it possible?_

Mark smiles in appreciation, stepping inside the room awkwardly, pinching Jaebum’s chest in pain because it wasn’t his first time to be here. In contrary, there were numerous days and nights that Mark stayed here with him before, sitting side by side on the comfty sofa while writing music, talking about basically everything and sometimes making out at his favorite swiveling chair, squeezing themselves in the small space that’s obviously enough for one person.

This is _their_ room. This tiny room has always been _Mark_ and _Jaebum’s_.

Mark had stamped his memories here, marking every side, nook and creases with his presence. His favorite tumbler is still placed exactly where he left it at Jaebum’s desk, toothbrush on Jaebum’s bathroom closet and polaroid photos littering basically every wall. So, seeing him step in, seemingly lost and uncomfortable had Jaebum stalking off towards the small bathroom, avoiding Mark and his discomfort.

“I’m really s-sorry for ba-barging in like th-this, J-Jaebum,” the slightly older boy stammers when Jaebum gets back in the room with a fresh towel, hoodie and boxers on his hand.

He shrugs his shoulders in defeat, head’s still confused and in a daze because of Mark’s presence. He quietly points at the bathroom, before awkwardly stepping out of the latter’s way, eyes averted from his beautiful albeit worried face.

“You can change there,” he mumbles, sensing Mark’s eyes on him as the latter heads towards the bathroom. He nods his head in response when Mark mumbles a small _thank_ _you_ , before closing the door with a quiet snick.

The moment Jaebum hears the door close, he instantaneously sags against his swiveling chair, leaning at the soft cushion and rubbing his face with his hands in frustration while also letting go of his breath he unconsciously held since seeing Mark’s face again. He’s totally at a loss on what to do right now, restless in his own skin all of a sudden. He glances over at the photos on the walls, then at the words he spilled over the past hours just thinking about the boy inside the bathroom. He wonders what Mark was thinking coming here at this time, getting drenched in the rain instead of maybe staying warm and dry at the dorm.

He’s surprised that the older boy’s here now, when he was adamant to leave and stay in L.A. for a month.

Jaebum hates the bud of hope blooming in his chest because of his assumptions. Did wishing for a good ending of this visit a good idea? What if the only reason Mark’s here is because the older boy decides to leave him—them for good? What if he ends up hurting Mark? What if Jaebum ends up hurting his members because of this?

Before he could contemplate much about Mark’s untold reasons, the bathroom door opens then and the sound of shuffling feet is enough to break him from his stupor. The moment he looks up, he immediately meets Mark’s brown eyes, wide and apprehensive under the harsh fluorescent light. Jaebum thinks his _ex_ -boyfriend still looks gorgeous, his possessive side being fed with the image of Mark looking smaller and fragile in his clothes.  
He wants to walk towards Mark and give him a warm embrace, forgo this resentment lingering in his chest because of the older boy’s resolve to leave him just when he needed Mark the most. But Jaebum stays glued on his seat, looking up at the other boy’s longing face that pulls a myriad of emotions to swirl in his chest.

_Stop looking at me like I’m special when clearly I no longer am._

After what seems to be an eternity of staring at each other, which in reality only happened for about a minute, Jaebum turns back on his desk, feigning to be busy so he could avoid another heartbreak.

“You can have my noodles. Just reheat it in the microwave.”

Mark shakes his head then, stepping once again within Jaebum’s line of vision, halting his fidgeting on his Bart Simpson’s pen—Mark’s gift for his twenty-second birthday.

“Jaebummie… can we talk?” the older boy whispers, hand wrapping around Jaebum’s wrist, making the latter’s heart jump because god, how he missed Mark’s voice calling him by that nickname while feeling his warm touches on his skin.

However, it also forced out fresh wounds and still too sensitive nerves coming from being left behind. So, instead of bending over and letting Mark have his way, Jaebum hardens his stare while subtly pulling his wrist from the older boy’s grasp. This didn’t go unnoticed as the latter looked hurt by the gesture, but so was Jaebum.

“What is there to talk about?” he asks nonchalantly, hiding his emotional pain with callousness and spite.

“Please, Jaebum?” Mark tries again, lip trembling, striking a nerve that got Jaebum chuckling rashly and shaking his head in disbelief.

“I suppose you don’t really believe I have to drop everything on a whim just because you asked, right?”

“Jaebummie, please? Could you please hear me out? Let me clear things out with you, let me explain,” Mark begs, eyes turning glassy with unshed tears and a hint of frustration.

The younger boy whips his head in contempt before pursing his lips in renewed annoyance.

“What is your right to ask for something you weren’t able to give me half a month ago? Now it’s suddenly wanting to clear things out with me, when that night you broke up with me, when I was begging, literally crying outside your door all night just for you to listen to me, did you ever think of talking to me to clear things out between us? Didn’t you choose to pack your bags and leave me to face the aftermath? You didn’t even give me a chance, Mark! So why ask for something so heavy from me? Why now?”

“Because I love you! And because I was stupid and wrong to believe my fears instead of staying with you. I was a coward who wouldn’t even try to face my insecurities and I know that now. That’s why I’m trying to fix this!” Mark spats, breaths coming in huffs from the tears he’s no longer able to keep. He uses the sleeves to roughly wipe his face, equally hardening his stare, patches of red painting his cheeks and nose. Jaebum feels his chest constrict painfully in his chest despite the immense discord he felt for the older boy.

“I should have told you how difficult it was for me,” he tries to breathe out in the midst of his sobs, giving his face another swipe from Jaebum’s favorite hoodie. “This life I have chosen was so hard to keep up, Jaebummie. Being strong for the both of us gets too much for me sometimes. I know I wasn’t supposed to, but there were instances that it’s hard to stay away when they’re literally shoving it down my face.”

“Who?” Jaebum cuts off, confused as to who would do that to his boyfriend. Mark momentarily closes his eyes in pain, swallowing and breathing deeply before he continued with his tirade.

”People! They would leave hateful words on my SNS, disabling my right to defend myself or at least call them out because it will only backfire to me—to _us_. People’s words can be very tiring to ignore when I already have these insecurities way before I got into this.”

“Mark—”

“People kept commenting that I was not suited for this, they kept reminding me how much I’m lacking and how dispensable I am to GOT7,” Mark chuckles bitterly, lips tugging upwards to keep it from looking sad but Jaebum could see through what his smile actually was. “They’re saying these things to me as if I didn’t know. But I already know,” Mark shrugs his shoulders forlornly. “Some of them would even be mad at me for being close to you. And I know that it’s part of this life—not everyone would like me. But… but Jaebummie, can’t I really be a singer? Can’t I really try this out? Because I really want to do this. I want to be a singer standing beside you. I want to be with _you_ ,” Mark confesses in a small voice, eyes now trained on his bare feet, fat tears trailing down his pale cheeks. He looks like a lost boy, needing light so he could go back home.

Always weak when it comes to Mark, Jaebum couldn’t help but gravitate towards the other boy, letting go of his initial hesitation and pulling the latter’s lithe body against his chest, allowing Mark to crawl on his lap and cupping the back of his head while Jaebum’s other arm’s wrapped around Mark’s waist. Their proximity is so close that Jaebum could inhale the slightly older boy’s familiar scent and that alone felt like coming home.

He missed this. He missed _him_.

“Shhh, I’m here, baby. I’m here,” he mumbles in Mark’s hair, kissing the top of the latter’s head while he sobs helplessly in Jaebum’s chest, mumbling _I’m sorry_ over and over against the younger boy’s skin. Even with his restricted space, Jaebum tried to rock Mark gently until he calms down from his overwhelmed emotions that has consumed him. The younger boy tamps down his own emotions swirling in his chest as well, always patiently giving time for Mark to step towards him; having Mark between his arms enough for all of his heartaches to melt, together with his sobs that slowly died down with the rain.

“Why didn’t you tell me all of these?” Jaebum whispers carefully, sensing the other boy tensing in his arms, before he gazes up at him, eyes red but clear from pain.

“I—You had too many things on your plate already. What they said was true anyway. I’m just placed here because of my face. My talent’s mediocre, anyone can actually do what I do.” He sighs deeply before burrowing his head between the junction of Jaebum’s neck and shoulder, mumbling, “The least I could do is be the hyung for you, the one who will take care and be strong for you. At least, I could be good at something... but I also messed up at that one, right?”

“Mark, didn’t we promise each other we’d be honest all the time? We had an agreement to always tell how we feel even if it sounds silly. You know that I would always listen to you when you need me, right?”

Mark nods his head, tightening his embrace towards Jaebum’s body, almost molding his frame against the younger’s. “I know that but I also want to hold the fort for you, keep my end of the bargain of being strong for the two of us. I don’t want to burden you with my insecurities, especially now that our schedules are effed up and you can barely keep up with sleep from the changing timezones. You even have to take care of the others, not just me. It’s already hard for you, Jaebummie,” gazing up from Jaebum again, Mark sits upright on the younger’s lap, busying his hands from playing with the strings of his hoodie, “I trust you with my feelings, I just don’t want you to get fed up from me.”

Jaebum immediately tilts Mark’s chin, eyes stormy as it search his. “You are never a burden to me, Mark—none of you has become a burden to me,” he says truthfully, making sure his sincerity transcends to the slightly older boy’s eyes. “I have to admit that there were times that this is hard, but nothing’s easy in this industry anyway, is it? You and me both know that. The only difference for me is that I have you and the other five crackheads. You’re my second family, you make this thing real for me, especially you, Mark.”

“I do?” he asks timidly, skepticism coloring the edges of his voice, pulling the strings of Jaebum’s heart for how unbelieving he sounded.

Hasn’t he made it clear that he’s complete because Mark’s beside him?

“Yes, you do. You always do.”

“I’m…I’m glad to hear that,” the older boy whispers under his breath, a slight smile tugging his previously downcast face. Jaebum caresses his cheek in reverence, finding Mark’s beauty beyond what his beautiful face actually holds. He’s worth more than his looks, and he wants the older boy to know that.

“You are never a burden, okay? And your talent was never mediocre, you’re good at what you do, babe. You can rap—”

“I can’t really rap, Jaebummie,” Mark interrupts, worrying his lip in anxiousness. “I still stumble on my words and I don’t have a signature sound like Bambam and Jackson have.” 

“Who told you that? Those people commenting on our videos? Well can they rap in English, Chinese, Korean and Japanese? Did they debut as a member of a Kpop group after enduring 4 years of training? Did they suffered hunger and homesickness like you did? Because aside from Jackson and Bambam, you’re the only other person I know who had to go through that and became successful,” Jaebum cups Mark’s cheeks tenderly. “You have a distinct sound too, and if you think you’re still lacking, we still have a long journey ahead of us for you to discover your real sound. Besides, you can also write great music. Remember when our fans would tell you how they loved it? That it was their favorite?”

Mark nods his head, blushing slightly.

“Then the answer to your question of mediocrity was answered by those who love us. I also get into a slump, but I always look at our fans, those who can appreciate what we do. Because isn’t that the point of all this? To share what we have to those who actually cared? And, Mark,” Jaebum soothes, rubbing the other boy’s velvety skin with the pads of his thumbs, making his eyes flutter shut from the action. “Mark, you glue this group together. No matter what other people say; you are GOT7, you complete us.”

“You’re making me cry again,” Mark whines then, hiding his face with his hands while he tries to dive into Jaebum’s chest again to hide. Yet this time, the younger holds him still, not giving him any room to hide anymore.

“What made you come back?” Jaebum quietly asks, voice shaky and soft in the silence of the room. Mark glances up at him timidly, placing a hand on Jaebum’s chest, feeling the younger’s heartbeat beneath his palm.

“I kept thinking about you while I was in the States. How you’re doing, if you hated me, if you still want me, if you’re also missing me. Because I badly missed you, Jaebummie,” Mark says this while gazing intensely at his eyes, causing a ruckus to form at Jaebum’s stomach, unfurling until it rushes through his veins, involuntary pulling a smile out of him. “There’s this one time that I ate at In ‘N Out,” the older boy continues to tell, “And I almost broke down because it suddenly reminded me of your face and how you cringed because you were never good with Western food to begin with. But you chose to endure it because I loved it. You remind me of so many things, Jaebummie. Like that kimchi ramen that your _appa_ cooked for us when they stayed in our house during their visit. You remind me of _sikhye_ your _eomma_ used to give us and how I learned to love it so much that I wouldn’t even choose to drink soda anymore. You remind me of my room and how many times we made love there. I missed you breathing at my nape while holding me the whole night,” Mark confesses, surprising Jaebum when he steals a quick peck from his lips after talking, cheeks crimson from what he did.

“I shouldn’t have let this come between us. I know that now, baby. When I left you, when I ran away from all of you, I felt restless to the point that my parents finally noticed. Daddy sat me down and told me to go back and fix this. He said that I should have never used running away as a resolve and that since I have had enough time to see where everything went wrong, I should now mend what was broken.”

“So you won’t leave me anymore?” Jaebum asks, breath labored from the emotions he’s no longer able to keep.

Mark shakes his head gently, easing the younger’s breathing further.

“You’ll stay here with me and everybody?”

Mark nods his head this time, even giving the younger another peck on the mouth which Jaebum took advantage of, holding onto the back of the other boy’s slender neck to keep him in place while he leads the two of them to a passionate kiss they were both deprived from for weeks.

When they broke apart, Jaebum’s already smiling brightly at Mark, feeling a lightness overcoming his senses and melting all of his pain away. It’s like something between them clicked, puzzle pieces finally finding each other amongst the haze of insecurities and misunderstandings. Jaebum has finally found Mark. And Mark finally found his way back into his arms.

He kisses the other boy’s nose lovingly, heart rest assured that they’re both back in their rightful places, and that’s beside each other.

Jaebum embraces Mark tightly, kissing the side of his head before whispering,

“Welcome back home, Mark Tuan.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it. That’s the end of this angsty, fluffy, drabble-ish story. I hope you at least enjoyed it? Hahahaha!
> 
> Again, thank you Penny and Erika for this random prompt. I hope I gave it justice. lol  
> Thank you everyone for still reading my works and leaving comments! I really enjoy reading your thoughts so thank you thank you! I appreciate all of your kind words. I will continue to improve on this craft. love you uwu  
> Also, I want to thank all of the fanartists who gave me some of the ideas incorporated here, shoutout to amugernaa, YOU ARE SO TALENTED. iloveyou uwu
> 
> PS: I might make this into a little series of Markbum drabble so... let’s see if I can do that. Hahahaah!
> 
> See you soon!
> 
> xoxo,  
> Aya

**Author's Note:**

> So hi.
> 
> This story is actually a prompt made by one of my friends (Yo, Penny and also Erika—you kinda have a part in this too). The prompt was Jaebum having a hard time writing a song because he and Mark recently broke up. He was only able to write something after seeing Mark's photos (probably the photos he has taken from their EOY Paris concert).
> 
> Credits to Lucija Copec for the translation of Jaebum's Rainy.
> 
> And yes, it isn't done yet. There's another chapter to complete it. Thank you for reading this mess. Hahahaha! *In Park Jinyoung's voice: I love you, guys.
> 
> Xoxo,  
> A


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